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I took this picture at the zoo a couple weeks ago. It seems as though the ape is just sitting on the top of the log, contemplating life. I feel like it totally represents ME lately. Although I really am at a happy and fulfilled point in my life, it's hard to deny some underlying currents of sadness, thoughtfulness and curiosity lately.
And I'm realizing that these feelings are initiated because my two closest friends here are moving far away next month. You know, the kind of friends that your lives are so intertwined that you won't really know exactly how to function without them? Yeah, that's them.
Big changes always push you out of a comfort zone. Admittedly, I've been in a big ol' happy comfort zone for a while. And I've known it. And I've loved it.
So, I've stepped back a bit and have felt increasingly thoughtful. And curious what is around the corner in my life. How will things change in the upcoming years? My baby is turning into a toddler. Will this be the end of the baby era for us? My oldest will enter 1st grade and the next 20 years of my life will be consumed by school-aged children. I will turn 31 this month and I often wonder what this decade has in store for me? I will finish my schooling this year...and then what? Who will my children play with once their best friends are gone? My sister will be burned out if she is the only one I do my million trades with (you ready Lindy?). So many questions, so much uncertainty yet so much hopefulness at the same time.
I feel so incredibly sad to lose these daily friendships. My heart actually hurts and I could cry at any given moment over it. But somewhere buried underneath that sadness is the hope and faith that change, while it is inevitable, really is good. It kicks you in the butt a little bit.....and opens your eyes to new things in new ways that you may have otherwise not seen.
Here's to a new "chapter" in life!!
6 comments:
I wish I could understand what you are going through, but you are the only "best friend" in my life who has moved away. And we were 5. :)
I know I come from a different perspective, but aside from feeling sad that you are sad for your upcoming loss, I am kind of excited for you. Is it horrible for me to feel that way? Not about your friends leaving, cause that just sucks, but about your life being "shaken up" a tad.
What new adventures are coming? I bet it's going to feel really hard for a while, but I wonder what kind of "powerhouse woman" you will continue to evolve into? New interests, self-discoveries, new schedules, new insights and views, etc. It is pretty cool what comes out when you have to step outside that (oh so glorious) comfort circle. Sometimes I wish we could always be comfy, wouldn't that be nice? But then again, adventures are what make you so unique. Just keep telling yourself, no matter what, 30's ROCK! And you are SO going to ROCK in your 30's baby!!!! love you!
I can so relate, having just moved. No- I didn't move far away but here in Utah it seems your life revolves around your neighborhood. A ten minute drive seems far away and a pain sometimes to see someone. I go to different grocery stores now and never run in to anyone I know. I feel lonely but I know this is the right thing for us. You will survive too. Maybe you will have to come visit me more now!
Wow, did you just peak into my life too? I get it. I really get it! We're still unpacking boxes and I have had many good cries in the last few days. I left my best friend (and next-door neighbor) and I literally feel like 1/3 of me is somewhere else! It is so hard, but I just keep reminding myself that every time I look back on my life, the trying experiences were the ones that made me stretch myself. Just like you said, it's stepping outside of your comfort zone and seeing what else is out there for you. Now, if only we had moved to Kingsburg, problems would be solved for both of us! Hehe! I hope you find the "what's-in-stores" for you real soon and find some peace in the meantime. Love you, Jamie!
I'm sad! That is all I can say to describe my feelings to this post. I'M SAD!
that is really hard! I definitely felt that way when YOU guys moved away.
life is unpredictable that is for sure! But you are so strong and this will strengthen in ways you can't even imagine! hang in there
You have me babe...that's how the song goes doesn't it? It will all be okay. I was so sad the day you pulled out of SLC. It will probably be really hard for a while, but you'll find your new normal.
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