Bellybuttons and Stuff

So today Jordyn had a friend over after school. We'll call her "E". E doesn't come over very often, but they are in the same class at school and also see eachother at church so they know eachother well.

When one of my girls has a friend over - and not the other - there are always problems. The one without a friend over wants to play with them....but the one WITH the friend over wants her own "friend-time". This can give me quite the headache. "Moooom, Jordyn doesn't like me" or "Mooooon, Lexi's being mean to me!".

So, I wasn't surprised today to see Lexi alone in the living room with a pouty look on her face. But I soon realized she was more upset than normal. "What's wrong honey?" I asked.

She said "E is hurting my feelings. She said I'm nasty because I'm showing my belly button".

To back up and give a mental picture, I need to explain that Lexi was wearing her tankini. Year round, regardless of the weather, there are a handful of things that Lexi wears around the house....the tankini is one of them. I used to try to stop her from changing clothes a million times a day, or from re-wearing things 15 times in a row. But I realized my attempts were in vain and really accomplished nothing but fighting. So now she knows that when we leave the house she needs to be presentable. But at home, I really don't care what she wears and I understand her need for creative freedom with her wardrobe. It is her personality.

OK, so on to my story.

I went into the bedroom to get more information from E (who is 6 years old). She was literally infuriated and near tears (and intentionally avoiding looking at Lexi) saying "my mom does not let me see people's bellybuttons!!! I am NOT supposed to see people's bellybuttons! That is a rule, it is NOT proper!"

My mind had to quickly compute what she was saying, or rather, HOW completely distraught she was about what she was saying....and then had to try to come up with a good "mom" answer.

I simply said "E, that is a good rule in your house. But in our house, it is okay for Lexi to wear her swim suit around. It doesn't mean your rules are wrong or our rules are wrong, they are just different".

But that did NOT satisfy her. She avoided Lexi like she was a ferocious beast waiting to attack at first glance.

So I just said "Lexi, E is our guest and it bothers her that your tummy is showing, so can you please put on a shirt?". She seemed a bit confused at the commotion, but conceded.

Throughout the next few hours of the play-date, this topic kept coming up because Lexi has a problem keeping clothes on. So she kept re-emerging in just her swim suit and E kept getting very upset.

You also have to understand that once the emotion wore off, Lexi saw this as a perfect opportunity for her devious little personality. She LOVES to tease. And I could see the look in her eye. She sort of enjoyed going against the grain and doing something opposite of what someone asked her to do. I kept getting after her for it........but secretly I knew she was being a little mini-me. (You tell me NOT to do something, and it makes me want to do it THAT much more!)

It was just another experience in mothering that gave me some insight. Over the next 20 years, I'm sure I will encounter lots of situations where I have to teach by principle. There will be plenty of friends who have different rules than ours - whether stricter or looser - and I want to teach my girls the reasons behind our rules......BUT at the same time to respect that those are not EVERYone's rules. What's right for one family may not be right for the other. And that's okay!