Pause

I don't mean to copy my good friend Katie, but I feel the need to put a pause on my beloved blog for a little while. As much as I love blogging, I'm afraid it will have to wait until I sort a few personal things out before I am ready to publicly journal again. Don't be worried, just be patient~

Love to all!

H.N.G.T.R.D.

Have you ever had a horrible, no good, totally rotten day? I'm sure you have. If you haven't, I need to know your secret. Doesn't it seem like the worst ones come when you least expect them? I try with all my heart to avoid them like the plague. But sometimes they still sneak in. Today had elements that made it a horrible, no good, totally rotten day for me......but luckily it had a happy-ish ending.

For Family Home Evening tonight, we took the kids to the temple grounds in Fresno, threw frisbees and stopped at In-N-Out for dinner. (By the way, did you know they actually opened an In-N-Out in Utah? Near St. George? Never thought that would happen.) Our evening was as fun and simple as it sounds. And what would it be without pictures? So here we go....

(This is the only pair of shoes that Peyton will wear right now. It is NOT good if we can't find her shoes. I must say, she is quite impressive with her walking and running skills in flip flops! True California girl, huh?)

(I love this man!)

(Trying to make his horrible, no good, rotten day a little better....)

Finally.....The Funeral

When a loved one dies, life stops for a moment and you do what it takes to pay tribute to them if at all possible. Since we live a 12 hour drive away, we were able to make a weekend trip for Tucker's Grandpa's funeral. Not necessarily easy, but possible. So that's what we did! It was fun to spend time with family and for Tucker to see cousins, Aunts and Uncles that he hardly ever gets to see. He has such a large extended family, so it was quite the gathering! And after nearly 9 years of marriage, I think I finally have down who-belongs-to whom!

It was interesting because I really tried to take this opportunity to talk to the girls a little more about death. I wanted to teach them, but not overexpose them. I wondered what they would think at the cemetary, and learning that they put the casket into the ground. Would that freak them out? I really didn't think they needed to see his body, being only 4 and 6 years old. But, to my surprise, they absolutely insisted that Tucker lift them up so they could see! The funny thing is, they weren't traumatized. It made me realize that sometimes the trauma comes from the WAY it is presented. They came away more knowledgeable, but not traumatized (thank goodness!).

We were only in Salt Lake City for around 36 hours, but we tried to make the most of every minute. Here are some pictures from our adventure.

(Tucker and his Dad)

(Tucker's Grandma with Lexi and Jordyn)

(Tucker, Grandma and Me)

(I LOVE this pic. Our nephew Jaden with Peyton. She loves to grab faces and say "Look at Me!". And you should have heard the comments we got with so many redheads! Tucker's sister Maren has three and we have two...plus myself. It's quite the scene! Who says red hair is going extinct?)

(The kids love to jump down this little part of Gam and Pa's stairs. Jordyn got some air!)

(Tucker loves to play practical jokes, but especially on his mother. He knows how much she hates cupboards being left open.....so this is what he left for her to wake up to!)

(We are constantly shoo-ing the kids to go play in the basement. Well.......these are the kind of things that happen when the adults are too busy playing games upstairs! Taylor literally got STUCK in a bucket!)

(Jeannine is so thoughtful. She knows how much Tucker loves her cookies and her bread, so she turns into Jeannine "Crocker" when we come into town!)

(Tucker with his cute sisters, Maren and Lyndsy)

As fun as it was, hopefully a funeral will not be the reason we go again for a long time!

Grandma and Grandpa S.

On our quick trip to Utah, we were able to stop at Tucker's maternal Grandma and Grandpa's house in St. George (Southern Utah). It took about 2 hours out of our really quick road trip, but it was so worth it. They are in their late 80's, and although they are still in remarkably great health, we know their years are numbered and love to see them whenever we can. The girls think it's so fun to have great-grandmas and grandpas...and I think it's extra special for them to get pictures and memories with them while we can!

(Just hanging out talking in Grandma Shirl's modern decor living room)

(Grandpa Milt has had a fish pond in every house they've lived in and it is one of Tucker's fondest memories. Now, our girls LOVE to go see and feed the fish! He'll often have 40+ fish in this little pond! That is, unless birds decide to go fishing in there!)

(Grandma Shirl and Jordyn. Grandma Shirl loves to see Jordyn because she remembers how tiny of a preemie she was and she would pray for her all the time during her time in the hospital)

(Grandpa Milt and Grandma Shirl, Me, Jordyn, Tucker, Peyton and Lexi. Dontcha just love self-timers on cameras?)

You know what's even cooler? Grandma Shirl emails me all the time! She's quite the computer-saavy Grandma. She even reads our blog! Thanks for the visit, the food and of course lots of treats! WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

Family Friday - Carly

I've worked from the youngest on up, so today's Family Friday is about my sister Carly. Born in 1979, Carly is the second child in our family, and just as my parents planned, Carly was born (in Stockton, CA) just after my second birthday.

(my mom pregnant with Carly, 1979)

Obviously, I can't remember life without Carly. We were very inseparable as little kids. Our personalities were very different from day one, but that didn't matter to us. We played barbies together, had hamsters together, wore sponge-rollers together and always had matching outfits!

(Carly and I, Stockton CA - 1981)

Four years after Carly was born is when Lindy joined us. Never without our bows and curls, we were each sister very different. I was the bossy oldest sister, Carly wanted to prove she had her own personality and Lindy just wanted to suck her thumb and be happy. It was a comfortable dynamic! Carly and I would often fight as hard as we would play, but there is great power that comes with being the oldest, and all I would have to do is make a silly face or give a bribe....Carly would laugh and we'd be playing again!

One of my favorite memories is Christmas 1987, I was 10 and Carly was 8. I made Carly her very own cassette tape copy of my copy of Tiffany's album (you know, "I Think We're Alone Now"). She thought that was the greatest thing ever! Ha ha ha, still makes me laugh.

(Me, Carly and Lindy - 1986 ish)

As high school approached, we didn't necessarily grow closer and seemed to have different interests. I was a cheerleader, Carly was in Ag. We were both in band, but played different instruments and we also had different groups of friends. I drove us to high school everyday, blasting my "cool" music, and as we'd part ways and go to our separate classes, I'd glance over at Carly with a silent feeling of protectiveness over my little sister.

(Carly's Jr High Graduation, 1993- Me, Carly and Katie)

Years later, we both moved to Utah for college where still had separate groups of friends, but our gap started to close a little more. We'd get together for dinner or would drive home to CA together to see our family. Eventually, we both got married within 7 months of eachother- which made our worlds collide even more.

I had the priviledge of going to most of Carly's doctor's appointments with her during her pregnancy with Alyson, and even got to be there for her birth! We hadn't planned it that way, and frankly, I was terrified of everything I'd seen with her pregnancy (I used to tease that it was great birth control for me to be so involved with her pregnancy!). But being in the room for Alyson's birth was by far one of the coolest experiences of my entire life and it completely changed my whole perspective on pregnancy and childbirth after witnessing that special occasion!

(Alyson's "birth" day, 2001)

Soon, Carly traveled down a new road of single parenthood. It was scary and none of us really knew much about it. Eventually Carly and Alyson settled down in Southern California. Carly pulled herself up by her bootstraps, figured out this parent thing and began working for high-end salons as a stylist.

(4 generations - Alyson, Carly, My mom, My Grandma - 2002)

Carly has always had a creative streak in her, and she surprised everyone by going from self-proclaimed "tom boy" in her younger years, to an amazingly talented stylist! She trained with some top stylists and really learned to master hair color. And, thanks to me, got TONS of practice on stacked A-line cuts through the years! While Carly was in beauty school, I figured she was a professional after the first few months, so I trusted her with my hair from the get-go. It wasn't till later she confessed to me that she had no idea what she was doing and that I was her guinea pig!

(Carly always with scissors! Alyson's first haircut! 2003)

I loved when Carly lived in Southern California. By this point, I had also moved back to California and so we were able to visit eachother every few months. Either she'd come up to visit us, or we'd go down and stay in her apartment. It was fun to see our girls get to know eachother, and of course I'd always buy her dinner if she would (please!) give me a trim!

(My Grandma's porch 2004 - Jordyn, Lexi, Me, Carly and Alyson)

I really developed a new-found love for my sister in the phase of our lives we'd entered into within a year of eachother. Motherhood bonds women in a way that nothing else can. We were both moms and our girls adored eachother. Jordyn and Alyson are 13 months apart, and have always had a special bond with one another. It was fun to develop more than a sister relationship with Carly, and learn to also be friends.

(Cousin Lauren's baby blessing in Anaheim - Carly, Alyson, Me, Jordyn, Lexi and Grandma - 2005)

(The pumpkin patch 2005)

Not too long after this (below) family picture, Carly's life took another huge turn that resulted in her and Alyson moving back to Utah. It's been hard for me to not see them as often! But what I've witnessed over the past year and a half is nothing short of a miracle, and has also given me such a deep appreciation for the strong woman my sister has become.

(Alyson's 6th birthday - 2007)

Carly made one of the most difficult and selfless choices a human can make when she chose to place her second child, Calli, with a beautiful couple - Mike and Elisa. I was so happy to meet Mike, Elisa and baby Calli a few months after Calli was born. I felt honored to be invited into such a personal and tender circle, and to get a first hand glimpse into a new side of my sister.

(Meeting Mike, Elisa and Calli for the first time - November 2007)

Although I've always been the advice-giving oldest sister, I've felt a natural switch of roles happen over the past couple years between Carly and I. I will always have an instinctual desire to protect my siblings...but I no longer feel like I have the answers or even have any advice left to give! Instead, I have been still...and watched....and learned so much from Carly as of late. She is by far one of the strongest people I know, with an amazing desire to learn and grow and better herself. She is beautiful, poised, talented, friendly, creative, smart and most of all, close to her Father in Heaven.

(Carly and baby Calli 2008)

(Carly and Alyson - 2008)

(A tired looking pic of me and Carly - July 2008)

And, in closing: Carly, I have two things to say!
1. My hair needs you really really really bad.
2. Take some days off and come visit!!

Love you lots!!!!!!

Some Life Updates

Before I post about the trip to Utah for Tucker's Grandpa's funeral, I wanted to do some updates for my journaling sake.

Update #1: My School
I took a couple of months off, and I am now finishing my last class for my California Teaching Credential (much more rigorous than many other states, I must say). I have also chosen to add five more courses to my schedule so I can complete my Master's in Education. If I complete it while still enrolled in this program, it's much simpler and faster. So I thought, why not? I've often wondered why I am doing this school stuff right now in the middle of three young kids. There was no pressure, no rush, and not a specific reason. I guess one of the initial reasons was because I needed to be fulfilled by something besides motherhood. That isn't to dimish the importance of being a mom - in fact I love it - but I felt that I would enjoy it even MORE if I continued to develop *Jamie* in addition to fulfilling the role of *mom*. And I really have enjoyed it. I am supposed to student teach this spring for 16 weeks. I'm excited about the experience, but I'm also dreading the juggling of the kids. I'm not so worried about Jordyn and Lexi because they will be in school most of the time. But I don't want little Peyton to feel cheated out of her mommy! So, I'm praying I can figure out the smoothest way to do it and figure out a schedule that is safe and comfortable for Peyton while I'm gone. It's only four months, right?

Update #2: The Arthritis
This is a subject that has been virtually non-existant for about a year. It got sooooo bad last year, that I weaned Peyton early off breastfeeding so I could begin the proper medication. But before I ever began the injections, the arthritis because much more tolerable....and even became scarce for a while. Sadly, this past moth, it has creeped back into my life in a noticeable way. My left knee is so filled with the fluid that it is nearly impossible to bend and its becoming harder to walk comfortably, my jaw hurts so bad it is hard to eat and chew gum, many of my fingers are stiff. I also have lots of other pain points and in the morning I literally feel like I was hit by a truck. Usually this lessens as the day goes on. So all in all, it's not SEVERE and I hate to even complain. But it's just a nuisace and uncomfortable. I have an appointment next week to get my knee drained, which helps a lot (for a little while).

Update #3: Potty Training
Peyton loves going on the potty (she's 23 months). She can go on demand, and she knows how to hold large quantities of urine at a time! But we were also having lots of peeing on the floor (isnt' there special carpet just for mommies of young kids?) and I was hearing lots of "pee pee Mommy" AFTER the fact....so we've settled in the middle for now. I take her on the potty often and she wears panties when we're home, but I'm not shooting for FULL potty training yet because I'm not getting the vibe from her that it's worth my energy YET. I'm sure I'm confusing the heck out of her, but what we're doing works for us and since I've been through this twice before, I'm not too worried about it. We'll keep working on it, but it's not worth deep frustration on my part by pushing something prematurely. So I guess I'd say she's in the transition phase of potty training!

Update #4: The Girl's School
The girls have adjusted well to school. But if I don't get them in bed by 7:30 (8:00 at the latest) then we all pay for it. They get up no later than 7:00am and it's go-go-go from there. Many days they come home from school and watch a TV show to have some down-tim, but other days there is piano or dance, and other days there are friends or cousins to play with so they are very active. They are both in the top reading groups, which is both a blessing and a relief to me. Lexi is young for Kindergarten, but she has really flourished in it. I think it was the right thing to start her, but I am still very open to having her repeat K or 1st if it feels best for her later future (like jr high or High School) social-wise. I get to volunteer in their classrooms, which I love. I love to see them in their school-element and they think I am a celebrity when I walk into the room. I'm eating it up because I know someday it will ignite deep embarrassment to have Mom on campus! I do have to say, I'm crossing my fingers that Jordyn's classroom gets better when her teacher returns from maternity leave. They've had a long-term sub since the second week of school, and it just seems totally chaotic. I also am still working on a good pattern for Peyton and I while the girls are at school. It's still strange to me to have just one child at home! I'm afraid I'm too boring for her. But she sure gets lots of hugs and kisses from mommy all day long :-)

Update #5: Tucker as a Scoutmaster
I have such a love/hate relationship with the scouting program. Tucker has been the Venture Crew Leader for 2 1/2 years. My love part of it stems from seeing my husband excel in the areas he is most talented in. He is helping to shape the lives of the boys in his crew (12 or so boys) with his enthusiasm, motivation and adventurous personality. He is also keeping an important part of himself and his passions alive by keeping in touch with the outdoors and I believe this is vital to be able to be a good husband and father and even businessman. The hate part of it stems from how much time it takes away from our family. It is a definitely sacrifice. Some days I feel strong and supportive, knowing that sacrifice is an importance part of this life. Our family is blessed in many ways, and I think service is what keeps our spirits alive. And I love our girls to see Tucker keeping his passions alive and he loves to share things with them that he does/learns through scouting. He's teaching them through his example. But on my bad days, I just want him HERE with us! We have lots and lots and lots of conversations about balance (lots) and we are constantly making sure we have a balance. I'm always giving him a different perspective (usually through analogies - he calls me the analogy queen). I know this won't last forever, and I deeply believe the grass is NOT greener on the other side of anything. So, I'm thankful that Tucker is so open to my opinion, feelings and that when he IS with us, he makes the most out of every minute. The man's got endless energy, I swear! He is leaving again in the morning to complete the last half of Woodbadge Training (which is like the "Master's Degree" of scouting), so we'll miss him again!

Final Update #6: A Fourth Child
Still in discussion. Not ruled out.....but not an action item either ;-). Just because you were wondering.

Be Back Soon

We are on a whirlwind funeral trip to UT. As soon as my eyeballs aren't falling out of my head, and we are home, I'll post about it! Wish we could see all our Utah family/friends, but this was a record fast trip :-)

More later.

Family Friday - Lindy

Born in 1983, Lindy is the third child out of five. She is six years younger than me. I remember when my mom was pregnant with Lindy, we had a family meeting to talk about her name. We had to decide if we liked "Lindy" better or "Lindsay", and Carly and I voted "Lindy". When my mom left home to give birth to Lindy, to me, as a near-six year old, it felt like she was gone for an entire week!


At that age, I thought it was so fun to have a baby sister! I would love her, and tease her, and play with her. When Lindy was around three, I loved to take a bath with her and I had a mean ritual where I'd scream "there's a 'pider on your head!".....and she would freak out every single time! Without fail.


Lindy was the peacemaker of our family. She'd see me and Carly get into knock-down-drag-out fights and would stay totally neutral and calm. She was always willing to serve and help others. Lindy was quiet, but I always knew there was a lot going on inside her head.


There were many times growing up that I wished Lindy and I were closer in age. When you're young, six years is a world of difference. So I found it really fun when I was 21 and Lindy was 15, she was able to come stay with me in my college apartment in Utah for like a month. That's when I first started to feel our age gap closing just a little.


Finally, Lindy graduated High School the same year I graduated from the University of Utah with my Bachelor's. And slowly, over the next few years our worlds collided. Lindy moved in with Tucker and I to be our live-in nanny for a few months after Jordyn was first born. I loved that! It was then that she met her future husband, Mike, and was soon a married woman just like me!


Two and a half years ago, Lindy and Mike moved just a few miles away from us here in California. It has been so fun to share in motherhood with my sister just down the street! We spend so many days hanging out together, we go to church together, laugh together, have heartaches together and watch our kids grow up together. The six years has completely melted and disappeared (except I have more wrinkly and saggy skin already), just as I'd always hoped for. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without the relationship we've developed.



Lindy is still the peacemaker in our family. She loves deeply, but avoids contention and is always supportive. It's been so fun to see Lindy evolve from a shy little girl to a beautiful and talented wife, mother and most of all, friend! Lindy and Mike along with Lyric (3) and Paxton (1) play a key role in our family and we all love them very much!!!