Mothering Thus Far

I've been pondering my experience as a mother thus far. I often recall a conversation I had with a fellow mother...nearly 4 years ago. I think Lexi was a baby and Jordyn wasn't even two. I hadn't hit a really difficult phase with either child yet. I mean, of course it was a lot of work to merely care for their needs. But they hadn't yet developed opinions and I didn't have to do much discipline or really teach them much (besides "please" "thank you" or "ABC"). They were still oblivious to how I felt - if I was happy, sad, mad, etc. I was able to keep things pretty much how I wanted them. Bedtime, naps, food, clothing, was exactly how I pictured it to be.

This mother had kids a few years older than I did. Maybe 5, 3, and 1.

She asked me one day "Do you think you are a better mother , or a worse mother, than you thought you'd be?

I was caught off guard, but I honestly answered "I think I'm better than I thought I'd be". I hadn't ever really been a 'baby person' per say, so I had thus far been pleasantly surprised with how much I loved my girls. I guess I equated loving them with being a good mother.

She seemed as though that is not the answer she expected, and when I asked her in return, she said "I am worse than I thought I'd be. I can't seem to keep up, and I always wonder if I'm teaching them enough. I feel like I'm always shouting out commands to them. I feel guilty a lot".

I've pondered this conversation often since then. Little did I know, I was on the brink of some changes. Soon thereafter, Jordyn entered her 2's. The term "terrible twos" might sound cliche, but it was so real for her. She went from a very easy-going, happy child to an emotional wreck. I felt so guilty because there were some days I didn't even like her - and how could a "good" mother possibly not like their child?

And then about a year later, the sibling rivalry began. I couldn't have imagined the change that would bring about in my mothering experience. Along with sibling rivalry came friend rivalry. I was convinced Jordyn would never have any friends because she would fight so much.

Fast fwd to today. I have a 5 (nearly 6) year old, 4 year old and 1 year old. I have the contrast of a baby compared to the 4/5 year old and I ask myself "back when Jordyn was a baby,why did I think it was so hard?". But at the time it WAS hard and it WAS a big change in my life to have a baby. It's just that now, instead of the baby being as hard to me, she is a comfort to me. She doesn't argue with me, she gives me lots of snuggles and she still thinks I am the best thing in the world! She is my sanity many days!

I know children learn much more by example than by words. That has been hard for me, as they've become older and much more aware....they are also much more aware of how I feel, how I react, what I say, how I handle my anger or frustration. I feel so responsible for what they learn - both by my actions and my words. It is overwhelming at times. Its a lot of work to merely keep their clothes clean, their bellies full and their bodies washed. But then to make sure school work is done, and freindships are cultivated, and compassion is taught, and a love for God is instilled, and a respect for mom & dad are enforced, and responsibilities are given..........

Whew! I guess what I'm saying is I just had no idea. I really could not have imagined how much work it is to be a parent. To be a good parent. It is so much more than just loving these children. Because I love them more than I could have ever imagined. But serving them and raising them is definitely the most selfless thing I could ever do. I have such a deep respect for my own parents and what they have done for me....and for the many other adults who have influenced me. My mom made it look so easy! Ha!

I'm sure I'll read this in a year and laugh at my naivete at what was to come. I see my parents with teenagers at home still and I do realize it doesn't get easier any time soon!

I wouldn't trade this experience of being a mom for the world. It truly is the BEST thing and the HARDEST thing all rolled into one.

Dinner...and a Little Karaoke

These cell phone pics were the best "evidence" we could capture...

We've had a couple of fun dates this week!

Last night we went to Famous Dave's with Lindy and Mike and got down & dirty with our fingers with some yummy BBQ (except Lindy who uses a fork & knife for her wings!). We tried to see a movie, but they were all sold out. So, of course the next logical choice would be the nickel arcade, right? It's been about 8 years since I've been there....and you could tell we weren't the average age in attendance. But it was fun and Tucker & Mike got a good fill of Donkey Kong, Mrs. Pacman and Galaga. Thanks, Ryan, for babysitting!

Then tonight we went out with Beth & Dane. We decided on sushi and Tucker recalled this little place he'd been to before. It was decorated so cool and had a 80's theme. We finished a yummy dinner just in time to hear them announce that it was 8:00 - Karaoke Time! It totally caught us off guard, and we were immediately intrigued. The party got started pretty fast, and before we knew it, we'd put our names on the list! Dane was Mr. Cool and stayed calm while Beth & I were biting our nails off in anticipation. Dane got up there and rocked the house with "Urgent" by Foreigner. And Beth & I did "More Than Words" by Extreme. Tucker claims he couldn't find the "right" song...but I think he was just chicken. :-) He promises he'll be first next time. I'd never karaoked in a public place like that and it was actually really fun/ny! Thanks, Lindy & Mike, for watching the girls!

Our Christmas Journey

First Stop: Dinner with Dane, Beth & co.

--------------------------------------
This is our annual tradition with them. We get together for dinner and do a gift exchange. We had a yummy taco dinner and a fun time. I can't believe the kids are getting so big. Lindsay (6), Jordyn (5), Jacob & Lexi (4), Luke & Peyton (1). It's so fun to have such great family friends.

Next Stop: Christmas Eve at Mom & Dad's

-----------------------------------

We had a fun family night at my Mom and Dad's house. My mom got the kids matching outfits to make it feel more festive (and cute)!

The whole fam minus Carly and Alyson (sad, we missed them).



is still so wierd to see Pey walking around. She loves her newfound freedom and looks so dang cute trying to balance herself!



Grandma got some good snuggles in


And the kids always love to play with Grandpa



For my mom's gift, Lindy and I transferred old VHS tapes onto DVD (what a huge project that was!) and I also printed out her blog and put it in a binder for her

My mom got the girls their big request of a cash register! They love them!

Kristy commented the other day how she never got her own special birthday cake from me....so I surprised her and made her a "Scion" logo (of her beloved car)

The kids even ended their night with matching jammies.

Third Stop: Christmas Morning at Our House!

--------------------------------------------
Since the girls love taking pics and are always stealing my camera, I thought this Fisher-Price camera (at Costco) would be perfect! I even splurged and got them each their own. But they were pretty crappy, so I talked to them and decided to take one back and get something else for them (they want High School Musical barbies, but somehow those are nowhere to be found right now).

Pey, of course, wanted EVERYthing her big sisters got. I KNEW I should have just tripled every gift! I'll remind Santa of that next year!

Tucker's gift to the girls was their very own Camelbak. He always takes them to REI, and they see the 67 Camelbaks he owns, so they were excited to have one of their own (although they DID say they wished they were pink!)

Tucker was VERY excited about his "Utes" gifts!

Final Stop: The Tree is GONE!!

------------------------------

And oh my gosh, the needles it left behind!!! I can't believe we didn't break our vacuum this year. Today I went on a search for a fake tree (after-Christmas sales!) and I can't find one taller than 7.5 feet with colored lights. Sigh. At least for now my living room is dead-tree-free!

Hope your Christmas was as enjoyable and happy as ours!

A Little Post-Christmas Blogging

As I sit here, at 2:40 pm on Christmas Day, still in my pajamas, it feels GREAT to be doing NOTHING! I have done way too much of something-or-another every single day for weeks and weeks....so I am absolutely thrilled to do nothing right now. Today, I've enjoyed watching the kids play with their toys, listen to Christmas music, eat my mom's toffee, read the 20 year old family memo's (thanks Jeannine!) and just R-E-L-A-X!

I have much back-tracking to do as far as photo journaling goes of our wonderful past few days. I'll do it soon. But maybe tomorrow, because I am enjoying relaxing today.

Last night was a fun Christmas Eve at my parents' house. And here's how it went down from there on out:

10:15 pm - Children nestled all snug in their beds

1:15 am - "Santa" finished his work and, ma and pa finally crawled into bed

5:30 am - Little Peyton decides to no longer be "nestled in her bed" and wakes up. Lexi follows her. With eyeballs on our cheeks, Tucker and I dileriously attend to crying children.

7:30 am - Finally (grrrr) the two children are actually back asleep.

8:30 am - Jordyn is up and BURSTING with excitement to see Santa's surprises. We make her wait for Lexi.

9:15 am - Lexi is up, we make our grand entry into the living room. Fun! Presents! Smiles!

11:45 am - (yes, THAT late) Peyton wakes up for Christmas morning....or afternoon I guess. A couple hours late. Little stinker.

I've been pondering what a grand duty it is to be a mother. Not only am I in charge of the daily tasks of my children, but I am responsible for the memories they make of their childhood! I oft' wonder....did I make Christmas meaningful enough? do they understand the spiritual aspect of this sacred holiday enough? did I get them the right presents that are worth cluttering up my house?

But for now, I feel satisfied with today. Very happy to have spent time with my family.

And a little tired. (oh, and if I weren't so tired, this dead tree would be OUTTA HERE! Soon...)

Christmas Cards

Who doesn't love to open their mailbox this time of year, only to have the bills outnumbered by Christmas Cards? It's so fun too see pics and hear from people you love, even some who you only really hear from once a year. I love it!

A few years back, when the photo cards began to be really popular, I felt really wierd about just tossing all these pictures into the trash once Christmas is over.

So I had an idea. I got a Christmas style photo album and every year, once Christmas is over, I slip all of the photos into it. This is my fifth year doing it, and it really is fun to look back through it.

Life Through Lexi's Eyes

Lexi has had a newfound love for my digital camera. I am constantly finding her with it. And I am constantly finding interesting pictures on my camera.

Here is life through the eyes of Lexi:

There are the most pics of this annoying cat...whom she adores

See what I mean?

She brings the camera to me, shows me this picture and says "Mom, Peyton's awake!" I have to wonder if she woke up naturally, or because a FLASH was in her face!

Here you can see Belle's butt, she's madly running away from the camera!

And she captured Tucker doing his recent obsession - the Rubix cube! He's solved it 25+ times all by himself this week.

And that, my friends, is what stands out in the eyes of a 4 year old!

Piano Recital

This past week was our Christmas Piano Recital for the girls.

We got lots of great video, but not lots of great pics unfortunately.

But we DID capture Lexi's feelings on the whole event in picture-form!

She played the "Jellybean Song" on the piano, and also sang "Thumbkin Finger Number 1" with her classmates. But, with how she was crying, you would have thought her teacher said "OK, now the kids are going to cut off both of their arms in front of you".

I am NOT one of those parents who will push their kids to do things they don't want to do just for MY benefit. But there are some things I feel they need to do for THEIR benefit. And I know that Lexi deep down WANTS to do these things, but is paralyzed by nervousness. For example, she didn't do her pre-school program last week, and she was sad about it afterwards. I want to teach her that she can push through it and overcome her fears. I also know that she loves preschool, dance, piano all through the year, but just struggles with performing time.

So, she buried her head in my shoulder at first, then finally stood up next to me and in the end was playing her piano piece perfectly. You can see, we actually got a smile out of her at the end!






This year, Jordyn was nervous about performing and she was asking for me to sit by her initially. But when she realized the other kids didn't have their moms by them, she told me to go sit down! She confidently played "French Fry Bandit" (a song about her mother, ha ha j/k) as a solo, then played "Hippo Pianist" and "Jolly Old St. Nick" as a group. She did a great job and was very proud of herself - as were we.



It was fun to have Lindy, Lyric and Lindsay T. join us for the recital and support the girls. Thanks guys!

Lately

Why I'm Wondering Where my Brain is Lately:

• I forgot to charge the camera for Jordyn's Christmas program, so no pics.
• Jordyn didn't go to school yesterday, and I completely forgot to tell the parents of the little classmate of Jordyn's that I pick up every single day - until they called me asking where she was! My heart sank and luckily she was riding on the bus for the rest of the route (for an HOUR!). I apologized 75,000 times and dropped off some Costco muffins as an attempted apology.
• Standing outside of Costco, I realized I forgot my debit card and check book. Ugh.

What I Wish Hadn't Happened Lately:

• Lexi *stole* a camera from Walgreens today. It was a princess one and she asked me for it a million times. I said no, no, no. So she decided she wanted it anyway. We got to the car and after buckling Pey in, I looked back to see Lex holding the princess camera! I unbuckled Pey and took Lexi back into the store to return it. We just happened to have read a story from the Friend magazine last night about stealing and being honest, so it tied in quite well.
• Initially, I thought we bought the freshest Christmas tree ever. But this is quite the opposite now. It is deader than a doornail. You just look at it cross-eyed and 1,000 needles fall off. It is completely pointing downward. I can't believe we have to have it in our house for another week.
• I got a couple of names for Elderly people off a tree at a store for us to buy some Christmas presents for. I told the girls about it and they were so excited to get a Christmas surprise for these cute old people. I thought, what a fun way to teach the kids about the spirit of Christmas. But when I called to ask what the deadline was to bring the gifts, it had already passed. I felt sad.
• Today I ran into the post office and locked my keys in the car! I waited for roadside assistance and was worried about getting Jordyn from the bus stop. Luckily, Kandelyn walked in and saved the day!

What Things I'm Happy and Excited About Lately:

• Christmas Eve with my family.
• Having a two week break from [my] school.
• I love the cold weather.
• I love the beautiful lights everywhere.
• I love baking lots of treats
• I love the warm Christmas-y feeling in the air.

Who's Coming to Town?

Just about more exciting than Santa Claus coming soon was this past weekend when Tucker's sis Maren and her fam came to visit from Utah! She and Greg brought their three kids and our girls were thrilled to spend a weekend with their cousins! We had a really fun few days!

**************************

I can never get enough of these two. Peyton and Brock are 2 months apart and really could be twins. Brock was inspiring Pey to walk more, too.

Poor Greg thought he was on vacation. But no! We put him to work putting up some fans and a light fixture for us. He is so great at stuff like that! Thanks Greg!!!

Greg, installing what we've now named "Cheryl" due to her "figure"

Peyton insisted on joining in the work

Maren and Tucker - sweet siblings

Sweet siblings who like to wrestle rough!

We even got to talk to Uncle Derek in China over the computer (for free! with Skype.com). Can you see him on the computer?

Much to our surprise, the kids were "practicing" to put on a show for us - in the garage. They got out all of my Harmony stuff and really went all out.

Taylor and Jordyn singing away (they are 18 months apart)

And finally it was show time! They set up the chairs and had it all ready for the "audience".

And last, but DEFINITELY not least. I *think* I can almost say that Pey is walking. I hate to say it until she is completely doing it 100%. But she is doing it a LOT more than ever before and she even stands up in the middle of the room and starts walking. Hooray! Almost 14 months old. She's in between Jordyn (was 17 months) and Lexi (was 12 months). Good job Pey!



Thanks Maren and Greg for the fun times and great Christmas visit!

Independence

Ever since Lexi was about one year old, I KNEW that she made the rules. I battled it for a while and caused myself a lot of strife over small things.

It probably took me about a year to really learn to LET GO of the small things with her. So now, instead of fighting her independence, I try to embrace it.

This can be hard when it comes to things that I CAN'T or WON'T budge on. But on all the other things, it is a continual lesson for me to remember to "LET GO".

Take her hair, for instance. I really love to have the girls hair fixed every day. But recently, Lexi has decided she would brush it and put a headband in it (which is fine, but it does often have the "fresh out of bed" look). The past week, she has branched out from the headband, and is experimenting with pony-tails.

Since she is 4, she doesn't really know HOW to do it, but she is determined to do her own side pony-tail (what is this, the 80's?). And she will not let me help.

I love this determined part of her. She learns quickly and practices until she does things right. Maybe soon I can have HER fix Jordyn and Peyton's hair!

Celebrations

First off, Happy 3rd Birthday Lyric! Last night we celebrated Lyric's birthday with a little family party. Lindy knows I love to make (experiment) with cake decorating, so she asked me to make Lyric's "June Cake" (June is from the Little Einstein cartoons).

Today was Jordyn's Kindergarten Christmas program. They sang lots of cute Christmas songs, and Jordyn even got to introduce one of the songs in the microphone. Afterward, we made gingerbread houses in her classroom. Her teacher is so nice, she even let Lexi make one. Overall, I have been very pleased with her Kindergarten experience. I love her teacher so much, and so does she!