I'm going to try to make sense of my feelings...so bear with me.
For me, pregnancy is hard. Everything about it is hard - how I feel physically, emotionally, how I handle everyday stresses, how I think, sleeping, eating, walking, cleaning, etc. But I feel guilty feeling these feelings because I think "Well I CHOSE this, I WANT this baby, this is a huge blessing, etc". So lately I've been pondering my feelings and I've decided that it's OK that it's hard for me. Just because it's hard for me doesn't mean I'm a bad person. And just because it may be easier for someone else (I swear it seems like I have so many friends who don't feel the same way I do about pregnancy) doesn't mean I'm a weaker person. It just means we're different. I always think in analogies, so this is my latest: It's sort of like how school is harder for some than others, or a job may be more challenging to one individual than to someone else, or some people are good at music and others are good at sports. It doesn't mean the person isn't grateful for the schooling or the job, or that it's not a blessing, it just means it challenges them more and is a little harder for them to endure. So, pregnancy is a BOTH blessing and a challenge for me.
As I feel this baby kick more each day, I feel so excited to meet her and also anxietous that something will go wrong. But at the same time I feel this excitement, I also feel like I'm holding on white-knuckled until this challenge is over for me. And I guess I'm just trying to accept the fact that it IS hard for me and tell myself that it doesn't mean I'm any less of a person. There. Thanks for listening :-)
5 comments:
Jamie, well said. Although I can't understand what pregnancy is like, it's exactly like you said -- some things are just more of a challenge for certain people than others. But EVERYONE has their own challenges, so everyone can relate to you in that sense. You are certainly NOT a bad or weak person because your pregnancies are TOUGH STUFF! The greatest trials tend to produce some of the greatest blessings too, and I'm sure you've seen that so far with Lexi and Jordyn and will experience it again when this baby girl comes! Thanks for sharing your pregnancy with us!
One day at a time! Try to focus on the positive- like you aren't throwing up every second any more- I'm with you though- pregnancy is definitely not enjoyable for me either!
Jamie I can totally relate to how you are feeling. This time around it has been very difficult for me. I feel really guilty about complaining but I can't help it. I think that we shouldn't feel guilty about voicing our discomfort. Pregnancy is a wonderful blessing but it's also quite a challenge for some of us. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. It really helps to know that I am not the only one that is experiencing such mixed emotions.
Jamie I can totally relate to how you are feeling. This time around it has been very difficult for me. I feel really guilty about complaining but I can't help it. I think that we shouldn't feel guilty about voicing our discomfort. Pregnancy is a wonderful blessing but it's also quite a challenge for some of us. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. It really helps to know that I am not the only one that is experiencing such mixed emotions.
Sometimes hanging on is all you can do. You'll make it...a few more months.
Tiffany
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