Career, Life, Choices

Somehow....with each phase of my life, I've assumed that around the corner lies more certainty and less confusion. And each time I'm proven wrong.

So as I approach turning 33 this month, I keep thinking "I thought by the age of 33 I'd feel more...I don't know...confident and secure in life, and all the choices therein?".

And, to be fair, in some ways I am. But I am also a little more apprehensive - and even fearful - as I get older because I am less illusioned. I no longer believe that I can make all the right choices and - as a result - life will be easy or smooth. I have come to understand that hard things happen no matter what. So I no longer make choices based on what bad things I will avoid.....because there will be opposition in all things. Even when you make all the "best" choices.

If this sounds confusing....it is. It's what swirls around in my brain all the time.

I just feel so incredibly responsible for the life that my/our choices will create for my children. The choices Tucker and I make will dictate where they live, who their friends are, teachers they have, and all the tiny pieces that make up the picture of their experiences. It overwhelms me sometimes. And, although I know they will ultimately be fine no matter what, I want to make sure those tiny pieces are put together the best way possible!

So about 18 months ago, we survived a change of career. It has not been an easy road at all. It's been filled with confusion and doubt.But for some reason, we didn't feel it was the right time to search outside of our 60 mile radius, so that limited our options. At first Tucker applied to at least 60 places. Had several interviews. And a few offers.

And when presented with options like: Managing a restaurant 70 hrs per week sometimes until midnight, for a very basic salary...we still felt uneasy. Sometimes money doesn't trump environment, and having both spent years as servers, we knew that environment may not be worth the time or money. We also knew I'd be doing a semester of (free) student teaching and felt that we both could not be gone equal hours.

That led us to Watch Me Draw!. One of Tucker's closes friends, Alex, had started a company offering after-school drawing lessons to children about 5 years prior and had always offered us to start it up in our area. He was located in Southern Cal and had no interest in venturing up North, so it was fair game to us. We'd never previously had the time to devote to a start-up company ....but figured this was a perfect time to do so.



So in early 2009, as I went off to teach (for free) each day, Tucker worked from home on Watch Me Draw! We were still poor, but it felt right.

We've just hit the year mark of our first year with Watch Me Draw!. By no means are we rich yet....or even above water. But the response has been very positive and we are now in 16 schools locally, providing weekly drawing lessons to hundreds of children. Tucker hires the art teachers, and we purchase the art lessons from Alex. We do five 6-week sessions per school year at each school, plus a summer session. Tucker is working on getting into more school districts. It's a win-win situation because the parents pay for the drawing lessons, we give $5 per student BACK to the schools for the use of their classrooms....so the schools get a fund-raiser and the students still get art.

(Lexi's Pig, age 6)

(Jordyn's Pig, Age 8)

I have to say, our girls have developed phenomenal drawing skills from their year with Watch Me Draw! So it's fun that it has been a benefit to our kids too.

(and the story continues)

About four months ago, our Brother in Law James suggested Tucker's name as a Director of Sales for a start-up software company he was working for. Tucker evaluated the software (recruiting software for Police Depts and Corrections), and really liked it. The company is Corpus Solutions.
The catch: it would be 100% commission. Yikes.

The initial time committment would be 20 hours a week...but with no promise of pay. Call us crazy, but we figured what did we have to lose? He was already working from home and I was preparing to do my Long Term Sub job....(paid job! hooray).

While we felt the choices we were making were right for us in the long (hopefully not too long) run, it was hard not to second-guess ourselves. Should we be willing to move to Timbuktu if it means a salaried job? Should we take anything we're offered that has benefits? Should we put our house on the market to pay off debt?

But I kept going back to....yes, that would (or could) bring immediate relief...but also may create more problems in the long run. Whereas the things we were building and putting time into may not have be rolling in the dough, but we really believed in them AND they seemed lucrative in the long run.

So here we are April 2010. I'm not teaching everyday now, so that equals no $ from me. Tucker is working a LOT more than 20 hours per week at Corpus....no income yet, but a few deals in the works and a lot of momentum in the company. He is a key player in the development of this company and, if it keeps up like this, he would be able to continue to work from home. Watch Me Draw is still rolling and slowly growing...giving us some cashflow to live off of. And I am fully credentialed and COULD work if jobs were around.

(Tucker took a trip to Washington DC last month with the guys from Corpus to attend a convention for Police Departments)

But the self-doubt always tries to creep about. Are we doing the right thing? Should we bag it all and get "traditional" jobs? But I would really feel sad if we gave up the things we're doing because there is true passion there, and a vested interest. Even if the money isn't quite there yet.

So that takes me back to my thoughts "I thought by 33 I'd have it all a little more figured out!".

Only time will tell. Our story to be continued....