Anything for Mom!

(these are all pictures taken by my mom’s cell phone on various trips)

There may not be another soul in the entire world who is as natural with, loving toward and determined-to-love elderly/handicapped/sick as is my mother. Seriously.

I have always known this about her, but have seen it in a more intense light since my Grandma has been slowly sinking into the world of Alzheimer’s. While the official onset was severe, combined with a fall, my mom was able to spend several months last year living with my Grandma and caretaking 24 hours a day. As it is now, my Grandma has full-time live-in care in her own home (of over 40 years).

(This is the look I dread…this is a confused/bothered/disconnected look. Soooo not like my Grandma)

Occasionally her caregivers need to be out-of-town, and so my mom has frequent chances to go back down to Anaheim and spend 8 or more days with her mom. Being the maid, the nurse, the chauffer, the cleaning crew….and most of all, the “trying to keep her brain involved in the moment” person. It is exhausting work. Grandma can’t get up or down alone now, she walks with a walker or wheelchair and gets disoriented/disconnected/angry very easily.

You should see my mom with her. She talks to her, teases her, love her, babies her, dolls her up, and takes her on adventures as if they were carefree teenagers! She pours love into her in a way I’m not sure many people know how to do. I was able to see her in action when I took the girls down in July and I always try to take mental notes and tuck them away so someday I can pull them back out when the situation arises.

I hope my mom never experiences the loneliness that Alzheimer’s has pushed on my grandma. But if she does, I have been trained by the best and will be glad to do the same for her.

I wanted to share this email my mom sent last night…just a little update on her day with Grandma. I hope she doesn’t mind. But it was too priceless not to preserve.

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“Just wanted to share with you the fun day mother and I had.
We left at about 11:00 a.m. to head for Newport beach. Kelly told me the freeway route which entailed use of the carpool lanes exclusively. A ton of new lanes I have never used. The new carpool lanes have cement walls on both sides like a maze for mice! Scary!
We missed the freeway that would take us to Newport sooo...I just kept driving South until I saw something familiar. First familiar site was San Juan Capistrano! Ha, we took you guys there once upon a time. It was for Jamie or Carly's school project.

I felt comfortable that a least I was heading in the right direction for something, anything, up in the air spontaneity as usual.

Low and behold we took an off ramp and found ourselves in Dana Point on the coast entering Doheney State Beach Park!

Out of the car promptly and there is the beautiful ocean with a breeze and temps of 72!
Just gorgeous!! We walked along the beach on the sidewalk watching the surfers and sunbathers indulge in the beautiful weather and water. I want to live there so bad. Oh well we could NEVER afford even a single garage.

So as we are walking along we are approached by a lady asking us if we'd like lunch. There was a group of elderly folk sitting outside on the tables enjoying a lovely meal. Mother immediately said "yes". We were introduced to the "Chef" and the menu of many barbecue items with all the trimmings. We sat and were served with delightfulness and me looking quizzical at the group trying to figure this whole scene out.

It turns out that it happened to be an assisted living community that were perhaps using this outdoor lunch as a marketing tool.

Fabulous idea! Free food, friendly people, beautiful environment and a fun experience for mother. The "activities lady" also was snapping pictures left and right of all the folk eating away including us. She even provided mother with a sun hat so she wouldn't get burned.
Very clever!

We headed home down PCH highway 1.
We left Dana Point, passed through Laguna Beach, then Corona Del Mar, then Newport, then onto the crazy freeway and rat maze back to Anaheim. Mom was very quiet in the morning but after this trip she was in a very cheerful and fun mood. Who says you have to go all the way to Hawaii. I found my Calif. Hawaii today. Sooooo wonderful.

Tomorrow we are having a "back to school activity" with Kelly and kids. I am going to do time capsules like I did on Patton Ave. We will actually bury it and dig it up in some future year. Aunts can MM too. Sat. Jill and Mike come over for his 55 birthday. Sunday is church and Jean. Monday is Dr. Iyre.

Tuesday I head back home. I just love making this time count. All good things must come to an end. When this chapter ends I want there to be no regrets and many happy memories with my mom. Oh how life's seasons pass so swiftly. Maybe the season of Alzheimer's for mom doesn't pass as quick but others can make a difference.

Wow, I have to run to take a shower, do my spot exercises while I watch the news and head to bed so I can be ready for a night of unexpected surprises. This is quite the challenge but my mother is worth it and my growth is immeasurable!
Nighty night!
MOM”

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What is the difference between a two year old and and 82 year old w/Alz.? Size of Body only.

Symptoms of both all in the same hour.

tired
hungry
hot
cold
grumpy
angry
sad
worried
speechless
talkative
whiny
dirty diapers
messy eating
yelling
temper tantrums
pounding on the wall
complaining
scared
nightmares
night terrors
hallucinations
happy
laughing
lonely
loving
soft
tender
likes stories
likes cute movies
doesn't like the clothes they picked out.....
Today's mantra every 10 seconds for 3 hours+++
I am not a boy, I am a girl!
But you love them anyway. muah!


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We had a really fun evening with Kel and Kids.
Mom perked right up and joined in the fun. The lights in her mind clicked right on and she was totally there after a hard day.
When they left she went into an immediate downward spiral. She was weeping and wailing and she was adamant that she had been beat and raped in this house and could not stay here. She got more and more hysterical and repeated the story over and over. The solution?
I put on YouTube "Mairzy Doats" over and over for distraction. It worked like a charm thank goodness! I just got her ready for bed and tucked her in with a calm spirit. Whew, I'm so glad that song worked. It is always a hit with her and is like a magic formula. It must be some catchy tune to capture such a large audience! Ha!
MOM

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"Mom, please don't feed Bernice your breakfast." (cantaloupe and french toast)
"Mother, please do not feed Bernice's your breakfast, she will get a tummy ache."
"Mother, please do not feed Bernice your breakfast, she will poop all over the carpet."
"Mother, do not throw your food please."
"Mom, when you want to eat your breakfast just let me know and I will put your food back on the table."
(per Alzheimer's booklet)

"No mom you are not a boy. You are a beautiful girl."
Dead silence, no expression, looking down, looking vacant.

I sit down in the wing back chair to let her have her space.
(per Alzheimer's booklet)
When all of a sudden to my surprise flying objects started to fly in front of my eyes.
First water, then orange juice, then a very sharp fork, but I ducked quick enough to escape the debris.
I excused myself and told her I would be back when she was calm and could help me understand what she needed.
(per Alzheimer's booklet)

May I insert that mother demolished a $9.99 container of chocolate covered cashews yesterday while I was doing some housework.
I keep wondering if today she is feeling the after affects of all that chocolate?
Or would it be more accurate to wonder if I will be *seeing* the after effects of all that chocolate...Hmmmm.
It looks that the later is indeed the more accurate of wonderings.
(nothing about this per Alzheimer booklet)

Lets get back to today.
No, I was not injured in the little plight of the flying objects. Just my ego was a tad wounded however.

Solutions.....
Yep, off to the mall for some meditative shopping and people watching. I know that this is the cure all for both of us, or so I thought.
I think there was too much stimulation at the mall from the back to school shopping for this area.
I could only think of how badly I needed the Ladies room. A store here and a store there. Where would I be safe to find a public bathroom with a handicap stall?

Dumb, dumb, dumb idea.

We entered into Sears. Hordes and hordes of shoppers from Cabo San Lucas. (not really there)
I means babies screaming, toddlers running amok, mother's holding piles of clothes while their babies are screaming, their toddlers are running amok, and their husbands just stand and stare at it all in oblivion. Or that is my mere perception.
Where do you think the bathroom could possible be in this the world's largest Sears ever?
Well, I just asked a cute little sales girl and with the utmost of politeness she pointed the way.
What seemed like 5 city blocks through the throngs of souls, I saw the bathroom sign and started to feel a relief.
Oh MY Gosh!!!! One of the stalls had Andres mom in it. I gaged, and ran out very abruptly. Peeyou!

By the way, mother is not liking our mall experience at all. Can you blame her?
This was not the day to eat at Panera Bread across the parking lot up a large incline, over the hills, and I have to muster up all my strength to push mother her up to eat a bowl of soup. Forget it.

Next choice is Chick-O-fillet for the drive through and chicken strips that are a part of mother's daily diet. (not really but seems like it)
I decide to get her a Dr. Pepper to see if we can get some spunk to this serious plight.
All went well with lunch and we are both better for having been tortured on a Saturday at the mall.
Why would we be better you ask?
There's no place like home after a filth oriented public bathroom!
Seriously.
MOM

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