On a daily basis, I walk around feeling all sorts of conflicting feelings. And it only seems to intensify as I get older. It can be exhausting. Here are some examples:
-I feel a love for my children so deeply while, yet often when I'm with them, I find myself wishing I was completely alone.
-Most days while I am teaching, I feel confident and capable while at the same time feeling intimidated and insecure.
-I love a clean house, but will walk by the same pile of clothing in my bedroom for weeks and not touch it.
-I feel such a deep sense of gratitude for the many relationships I am blessed with in this life.....while also feeling completely unable to do my part and maintain them.
-I feel one thousand percent at my limit with my life and three children, while at the same time feeling deeply sad and guilty when I think of not having any more children.
-I feel a tiny bit more experienced as a mother of 7 years now (and oldest of 5 kids)....yet I also feeling increasingly inadequate and fearful of what lies ahead.
-I have confirmed it over and over that I function better on a schedule....but fight the desire to be completely commitment-free in life.
and this list is only the beginning!
3 comments:
I feel the same way, and I don't have any answers for ya. I'm just trying to "go with the (conflicting)flow". I even came up with a pretty twisted sculpture idea expressing these kinds of feelings. I think it would be theraputic to create it, I'll send a picture if/when I do. But seriously, I feel like I just have to go with the flow, can't stop moving, and try to be easy on myself for the condradicting thoughts I have all the time. Man, it's tough. hang in there. love you!
you are not alone. I think so many of us mom/women can relate to ALL of your feelings! That is just life and I think what keep us motivated to keep going, to hopefully one day become better in one area or some small way. That is all we can do, I think like Tara said is go with the flow and try to consciously (although THAT is often hard) try to make improvements, little by little!
You are great, in sooo many ways-YOU just don't see it as others do!
I feel the some way! I think that's what life is like for a Mom. There are so many different things we want to do, can do, and do get done, all in the same moment. Our brains are constantly thinking. It's trying to live in the moment that I find difficult. Instead, I seem to be thinking of the next step, what's for dinner, get the kids bathed, finish homework, etc., instead of appreciating the moment.
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