Tomorrow may possibly be the first birthday of mine that I've ever actually had negative feelings about. There is something about turning 32 that sort of scares me! I don't know if "scares" is the right word.....I guess it's just that the older I get, the less I feel connected to my age. I don't know what age I feel in my mind, but to see and feel my body aging is strange. Logically, I know I'm still young in the grand scheme of life. But I'm still adjusting to this decade of my life.
It's cute how much my girls have been looking forward to my birthday. Jordyn keeps talking about how her open house at school is the same day as Mommy's birthday. And Lexi keeps saying she feels bad that she is going on a zoo field trip on my birthday. Tonight I had a really bad headache so at dinner-time, Tucker came over to the couch and picked me up to be funny and carried me to the dinner table. The girls thought this was the FUNNIEST thing they had ever seen, and Lexi said "Dad, I didn't know you could carry a 32 year old!". Ha ha ha
Lately I've just been thinking how strange it is that the older I get, the LESS I feel like I've got a handle on life. I guess with more age and experience comes less naivety? The invicibility of youth disappears and you realize how little control you really have over life. It feels like a big job to show my kids the ropes of life when I feel like I'm still trying to figure them out. It's such an illusion when you're young to think that adults have it all figured out!
All I want for my birthday is SLEEP!! So, we are actually getting away for a night this Friday. My wonderful mom is spending the night with our girls so we can just relax somewhere. And honestly, that is worth more than a million dollars right now!
8 comments:
Sounds like a PERFECT idea for your bday. Hope you get the much needed R&R that YOU need!
And I love to read your blog because you so often say how I am feeling or what I am thinking, but either I don't say it out loud or I don't say it as elloquently as you. But yes it is hard to accept this aging thing, especially when you don't feel your own age. And forget about knowing it all and the insecurities seem to creep in even more for me as I age AND my kids age, because I feel even that much more inadequate to be their mom and the guide, the teacher and all the other roles we have!
But YOU my friend are an incredible mom and an outstanding, vibrant YOUNG woman. Its all how you feel, right?! And you look great!! Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday!!! Have fun on your night away. I wish I were coming with you. My dream is sleep as well!
Tiffany
I can relate to feeling like you less of a grip on things the older you get. I guess it is because with every passing year we have more things to have a grip on! A night away sounds like heaven! I am going to Vegas for three days in a few weeks while Ava is in California and I can't wait to just not be at home, and of course laying in the warm sun by the pool. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday Jamie! Have a fun SLEEP-over! I agree...the older I get I realize I don't know anything! Have a great time!
I think it's both, we know more about how life works, and we have so much more on our plate. It's so hard to get used to! I am still loving my 30's, but no one told me how HARD early 30's are? NOW when I talk to friends, they all say how challenging it was in their early 30's. Gee thanks, someone could have told me that before, so I could at least mentally prepare a bit, goodness! :) I love how open and honest you are about your feelings on aging. I agree, it's frustrating to feel one way in your mind, but feel your body lagging. I hope you are able to get sleep and rejuvinate your mind with quietness and good conversation with Tucker. (and don't even think once about laundry!) love you!
haa, can't we all relate to that? i mean, really, how did we go from being in 4th grade, doing magic shows in our genie costumes to being 30 something moms?! but you manage to age BEAUTIFULLY, so i commend you on that! i hope you had a GREAT bday and an even better get-away this weekend! it has been fun catching up on your posts! 6th grade is such a DIFFERENT experience, it sounds like, but i'm so glad you are enjoying it so much! and what great opportunities of really trying things out on your own! good job!
Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoyed a relaxing weekend and got some much needed sleep! It is weird getting older and realizing how much more there is to life. Hang in there. You are doing a wonderful job! You have a beautiful family, great testimony, and are furthering your education.
I just caught up on your blog and felt overwhelmed with all that your doing. Happy Birthday Friend! I really hope it felt like a day of rest for you. You have more life figured out than most people. You have an amazing perspective and compassion. You have accomplished so much, and are still accomplishing. And yes Peyton is too much!
Post a Comment