She weighs 34 lbs and is 38 inches tall. A little tall for her age range (but I'm always wondering how old these percentile charts are anyway), but her weight is proportional.
She is such a fun kid. I never cease to laugh and be taken off-guard by the things that come out of her mouth. And she is SO curious. At Costco today, we ran into a teacher I've worked with before (whom Pey has never met). We talked for maybe 6 minutes. And for like 20 minutes afterward Peyton kept asking "Where did Brenda go? I want to see her. Can I go to Brenda's house? Is she home yet Mommy?". I mean, why in the world would she even care? Sometimes it feels like I'm hanging out with a peer - except she is small and snuggly still :-) I will miss her immensely when I'm working!
On another note......I have been SO grumpy lately. Like EVERYTHING overwhelms me, and so I get paralyzed. I absolutely hate when I let myself get mentally paralyzed because then my problems never go away. It's almost like I'm afraid to even start chipping away at the overwhelming list for fear that I won't be able to complete it, so then I get paralyzed.
I so badly want to enjoy this important and special Christmas season. And I think I'm good at making sure my kids enjoy things, even when I feel tortured and paralyzed. But that's not authentic.
Some things that paralyze me:
-my bags under my eyes
-my messy house
-my disorganized closets and cupboards
-my tiredness
-my lack of keeping in touch with people how I want to
-my custom ordered projects....finding time to make them!
-my disgusting car
-our complete lack of money and abundance of debt
-my fear of the future
-my confusion as to what specific career path I want to specialize in
-my desire to sleep too late every single morning
-my wish to spend more leisure time with my kids and family
-my wish to take my kids to convalescent homes this season (and the like)...but WHEN?
-my inability to practice piano with my kids
-my thinning hair
-Harmony performances!!!!
-Pey's tantrums at EVERYTHING I ask her to do that she doesn't want to do
-Jordyn's total attitude to me at everything I say
-That I'm too disorganized to be a good teacher
-That basically all the balls I have in the air are going to completely fall on the ground and break!
OK, now I could go on and on. But the confusing part is that I could make a list three times longer of the things I am deeply grateful for! I do not feel ungrateful, and know that I have so many beautiful daily blessings that I even recognize. But this doesn't take away my paralyzation and feelings of being overwhelmed. So I really need to get to the bottom of this. I'm a fix-it person; I need to fix it!
Part of me thinks that a lot of my anxiety is connected to my upcoming teaching job. On one hand, I am SO excited for it. On the other hand, I am SOOOOOOO freaked out to take over another teacher's class for 12 weeks! "What if the test scores drop drastically because of me? What if I am totally run-down everyday by 24 little five year olds? What if I can't get a handle on it? What if my house actually gets MORE messy (prob not possible)?"
I hate writing stuff like this on my blog because I have a total fear of sharing feelings like this with other people. I guess I don't like to burden other people and know that my probs can't be "fixed" by others anyway. But its good to document feelings and also just type them out sometimes. Poor Tucker is the only one who really gets to hear my repetetive thoughts. He probably feels like he's in the movie Groundhog Day lately...."I'm serious Tucker, I don't know what to do but this is NOT okay. I mean, I'm really on the edge here because of ____________ (insert a variety of topics)". But as always.....this too shall pass, right?
