I’m Tired

When I play catch up on the blog every few weeks, I can’t help but feel a little sad that I miss out on blogging my feelings and the real life day-to-day stuff.  “Catch up” blogging makes it seem like life is just full of events.  I’m so glad I at least do that, but I don’t want to look back and miss the “meat” of our lives.

 

I really, really, really wish I could enjoy my days, minutes and moments better.  I wish I wanted to linger in my kids rooms when I tuck them into bed and just talk and listen.  I wish I had more patience.  But the truth of it is, I’m tired a lot, busy a lot and life takes so much coordination to keep up with. Smelling the roses often doesn’t fit in!

 

And the truth of it is, when I tuck the girls into bed, I’m practically running out of their rooms to have my “me” time. I can hardly linger even a minute longer (especially if its after 8:30) because I am so DONE.  I try to tell myself that I will miss this when they are teenagers and they are out with their friends and don’t WANT me to tuck them in.  But that doesn’t always work.

 

Tucker has been out of town a lot lately.  I know that is wearing on me.  And the arthritis is flaring up again a lot and THAT may wear on me the most.  I feel 85 years old, sore, tired, stiff and feel like I haven’t had a bit of rest when I get up in the morning.  I start to feel like a drill sergeant, like all I do is yell out orders to my kids.  With no joy and no enjoyment, and I don’t want it to be like that.

I really do love and enjoy my kids.  But it is essential that I SHOW them more often that I am enjoying them, rather than harping to them.  I really do try my best.

 

These are the kinds of things I need to write more of:

Peyton and I were driving home after dropping the girls off at school.  She said “Mom, are you happy now?”.  And I said “Why?”.  She said “because that house finally took their pumpkins down!”.  I laughed and laughed realizing that she has consistently been checking to see if the pumpkins were still there at one of our neighbors house ever since Halloween…because I have told the girls how much I hate when stuff is left up after the holiday.  Quite the observant child!