(Jillian, my "smartest" student. On her bday)I've just completed my FOURTH week (with ten more to go...)! Some days, I want to put my head in my hands and cry or scream. Other days I feel like I'm getting the hang of it and am doing a decent job. The pendulum swings drastically and unexpectedly!
Sometimes I have a good day because a few HARD students are absent!
Sometimes I have a bad day because I'm just flat exhausted!
Some days are just in between.
I do find it amazing how often I think of these 25 kids. Even when I'm not at work. I replay situations in my mind, and can feel happy how I handled it, or wish I could re-do it. It's a lot like being a mom. But if I was just loving and kind, I'd have 25 kids walk all over me. It takes so much structure to be successful.
It's so hard to make sure I'm making them each feel special, while also giving them boundaries. For example, the other day Mario told me (no exaggeration) that he was hungry 60 times in the hour before lunch. And honestly, I don't know how to handle that. I had given them a snack earlier, and I have sent home notes reminding parents how important breakfast is and giving them permission to send a snack to school for recess time. But he has a really hard time controlling his mouth. So I kept saying "Mario, I know you're hungry. So am I! It's almost lunch!". I finally had to remove him from our carpet area because he wouldn't stop. The mother in me would want to get up and give him a handful of fishies. But can you honestly imagine the mayhem that would cause the other 24 kids? Not possible. But frustrating and distracting. All the while, Sydney (who is oppositional and will not comply) was getting up to show me a four-day old tiny cut. And Nadia (who has some sort of brain damage) was pounding her fists against the ground and singing. Meanwhile, I'm trying to talk about how "Q and U are married" and sing the vowel song with them, do calendar and keep everyone on task while all the while interjecting "please sit criss cross applesauce" and "raise a quiet hand".
It's not easy, I tell ya.
But they are FUNNY too. I showed them a picture of their teacher and her baby. Now, sadly, after four weeks, they seemed to almost forget that I wasn't their teacher. And Javier asked me if I live with Mrs. Robinson. Ha ha, that caught me off guard since I hardly know her!
In our classroom we have a rule that if they don't pull a card all week, they get to pick from the treasure chest. But each DAY they get a stamp on their hand if they didn't pull a card. That stamp means the WORLD to them. Well, Javier did not get treasure chest on Friday since he had pulled card that week, and he cried for 30 min straight! Did I feel like the meanest teacher in the world!!!! But how could I possibly re-nig at that point. He was the same kid who told me I was beautiful and gave me a big hug that morning. Heart wrenching!
How do I make sure they are loved and safe, yet have a good amount of independence to be kids, yet be quiet & compliant and walk on the freaking white line to the cafeteria without wrestling or grabbing the kid in front of them, while teaching them their letters, sounds and how to put it all together, while teaching them how to handle problems and not just tattle tell, while teaching them manners and some of them ENGLISH for crying out loud, while having fun with them, being consistent with them and making sure their parents understand it all, while all the while preparing them for ALL the state and district assessments....all while they just want their mommy and a nap?
I don't really know. But I'm trying!!
5 comments:
All your TEACHER posts I can relate to in some way. I didn't teach the younger grades, but there are definite similar challenges in all grade levels. Knowing YOU as a person, I can only imagine what an incredible teacher you are!!
first off, your previous post about hair feels like it came out of my own head, except that i only have one that i have to fix at this point. poor tay never has anything done to her hair! but i need you to write a book on how to do girls' hair because it plagues me every day to have to be creative with kaiya's! and jamie, i can't say enough how proud i am of you tackling such a HARD, HARD job. you must be drained every day after work, but i just know each and every one of those kids must adore you. i want to be in your class, can i?! hang in there -- i know you are doing an amazing job, because you CARE.
It is great to get an inside scoop. this helps me appriciate a little more what my kids teachers go through daily. Your job is much more challenging because you care about making the kids feel special, loved, let alone taught. It is a huge job. I don't think I'm cut out for it at all. I have no doubt that your doing a wonderful job.
Wow, so neat to read. I can see how emotionally taxing it can be. I feel that way sometimes after teaching sharing time, but that is only 15 minutes twice on Sundays, and you do it all day for five days a week. You have a such a desire to be a good influence in these kids' lives, and I think because of that, you will.
It takes an amazing teacher to feel such emotions about their students. Hang in there!!!
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