Seriously STOP Getting Older

It is so amazingly bitter-sweet to see my kids growing! I am having huge issues as Jordyn's 8th birthday is approaching in a few weeks. There are so many wierd flashes I'm having with her seeming/acting/wanting-to-be older lately (not to mention stress thinking about her baptism). She is smart, talented and fun. She is also showing signs of insecurities, confusion and conflicting emotions. I get scared that I really won't know how to help her through it!

Tonight, as she was going to bed she was telling me something about her Junie B. Jones books and said "Mom, I've read this one several times, but I've hardly read this other one". And it was then I yet-again realized: my little girl just used the word "several" in an unprompted sentence. She really is getting older and I can't stop it :-(

Mr. J

Ahhh, Mr. J. He is one of my favorites. I always wondered if teachers had their favorites because they come across to everyone as liking your child and very diplomatic to everyone. But yeah, it's hard to NOT have your favorites. And all for different reasons.

This little boy is so tiny. You sort of want to squish him. It's a little sad because he comes from a "interesting" home. Literally ALL he talks about is video games. The other day, I had lunch duty, and he was strangely walking around all by himself and I said "J___, what are you doing?". He told me something I hardly understood but he basically was IN a video game. He totally lives in a video game ALL the time. Anything we write about (when I let them choose the topic, like "I like ______"), he picks to write about Banjo Kazooie. ALWAYS.

He also tells me sad and strange things like:

1 - "Mrs. Maxfield. Have you seen Lady Gaga? She lays on a bed with a skeleton!" and he says it SO enthusiastically and cute, like he's telling you about his puppy or something.

or

2 - "Mrs. Maxfield, I don't like when my dad drinks beer".

But overall, I need to start writing more down because on a daily basis, he never fails to catch me off guard and laugh!

"Mr. I"

Man, I can feel myself stretching and growing every second of every day lately. I feel the mental growing pains like crazy. I have a strange mix of loving what I'm learning....yet deeply longing for my "old life" where I was more in control of my schedule. Right now, I can literally not find the time to run to Wal-Mart. I don't say that as a "look how busy I am" thing because I felt REALLY busy before I was teaching full time. It's just a more imprisoned kind of busy. I can't run a quick errand during the day. I can't manipulate my schedule whatsoever. I am at school from 7:30-4:00 (at least) and then it is the mad-crazy-rush to get homework, softball practice, piano practice, dinner, baths, reading logs, pick up the house, etc etc. By the time the kids are in bed and I plop my tired butt on the couch, it's 8:30 and I try to get to bed by 10:00. So, in that hour and a half (which goes by at warp speed) I cannot possibly care about the grocery store or the laundry or my kitchen, etc. Anyway, it's hard for someone anti-structure as my natural personality is. I would prefer to live much more spontaneously.

This is a pic of me with one of my biggest trials. Mr. I, I'll call him. He drains every cell out of me, which isn't good when I have to still teach 24 other kids! He is tiny, young and WILD. He cannot look me in the eye, write legibly or keep his hands off the others students for more than one minute. He repels rules and structure. Yet he's sweet and just really immature, with the potential for retention and ADHD.

After 5 weeks of devoting every ounce of myself to him and "fixing" the problem (like I felt a good teacher could/should do) I finally talked to the principal and accidentally cried in front of her. I was truly overwhelmed. She is the nicest principal I can ever imagine. She immediately went to work. I guess I equated my asking for help with failure. I know now that isn't true. Anyway, she has come in the classroom, taken him for time-outs, met with the parents and is actually in the process of changing him to a diff classroom. That might sound extreme, but the classroom next door has four less children and a teacher of 10 years. Since he is a strong canditate to be retained this year, that recommendation should not come from a sub, but rather a contracted teacher. I totally understand it, but also can't help but feel like I've failed a bit.

There is something about teaching that is so similar to being a mom to me. (Except with way more paperwork and way more kids). For me it is overwhelming because I feel like no matter how much I try and how much I put into it....there is ALWAYS more I could/should do. There are SO many options and tricks and methods and workbooks and games and strategies. There is always someone out there who does it better than you, and it's easy to compare to them. I guess it's an evolution, just like motherhood though. And no one said I'd finish my credential and POOF be a perfect teacher. But I'm a perfectionist (a downfall) and that is really hard for me. I have always felt like if I work hard enough, I can succeed. But "succeeding" as a teacher is absolutely NOT instant gratification.

Little Teacher's Aide

How cute is she? This is Jordyn helping me in my classroom recently. She wants to be a teacher, of course. But her main reason? She wants an overhead projector! She literally asks me for one ALL the time!

Friends, Cousins, Life!

Well, I can tell my head has been stuck in a classroom for six weeks because I hardly blog about regular family things. Here are some recent pics of my girls with friends and family.

Peyton at a children's museum...

Don't be worried....at the kids' museum they got to pretend with several things...including a wheelchair!

Lindy, 20 weeks prego!

Jordyn in disguise, Lexi, Lyric and Paxton
Peyton with her little next door neighbor friend Ava. They have been really playing great lately.

Jordyn with Kira Navison, friend from church

Kira's little sister, Kayla, and Peyton are best little buddies!

Kayla's 3rd bday party, my girls with the Navison girls.

Jordyn with her good little friend from school, Emma Koons. They've been playing a lot lately and Emma is the first friend I've met who out-does Jordyn's intensity. They are a great fit and it's fun to see Jordyn develop more friendships. They are both in Mrs. Stone's class this year. And a bonus is...I really like Emma's mom!

Last, but not least, here is my mom with her one of her recent creations! Hundreds of scarfs! She crocheted soooo many cute scarves! The kids, grandkids all have several and even their teachers have some! They were all so unique and fun. My girls thought it was awesome!

What Doesn't Kill You...

(Jillian, my "smartest" student. On her bday)

I've just completed my FOURTH week (with ten more to go...)! Some days, I want to put my head in my hands and cry or scream. Other days I feel like I'm getting the hang of it and am doing a decent job. The pendulum swings drastically and unexpectedly!

Sometimes I have a good day because a few HARD students are absent!

Sometimes I have a bad day because I'm just flat exhausted!

Some days are just in between.

I do find it amazing how often I think of these 25 kids. Even when I'm not at work. I replay situations in my mind, and can feel happy how I handled it, or wish I could re-do it. It's a lot like being a mom. But if I was just loving and kind, I'd have 25 kids walk all over me. It takes so much structure to be successful.

It's so hard to make sure I'm making them each feel special, while also giving them boundaries. For example, the other day Mario told me (no exaggeration) that he was hungry 60 times in the hour before lunch. And honestly, I don't know how to handle that. I had given them a snack earlier, and I have sent home notes reminding parents how important breakfast is and giving them permission to send a snack to school for recess time. But he has a really hard time controlling his mouth. So I kept saying "Mario, I know you're hungry. So am I! It's almost lunch!". I finally had to remove him from our carpet area because he wouldn't stop. The mother in me would want to get up and give him a handful of fishies. But can you honestly imagine the mayhem that would cause the other 24 kids? Not possible. But frustrating and distracting. All the while, Sydney (who is oppositional and will not comply) was getting up to show me a four-day old tiny cut. And Nadia (who has some sort of brain damage) was pounding her fists against the ground and singing. Meanwhile, I'm trying to talk about how "Q and U are married" and sing the vowel song with them, do calendar and keep everyone on task while all the while interjecting "please sit criss cross applesauce" and "raise a quiet hand".

It's not easy, I tell ya.

But they are FUNNY too. I showed them a picture of their teacher and her baby. Now, sadly, after four weeks, they seemed to almost forget that I wasn't their teacher. And Javier asked me if I live with Mrs. Robinson. Ha ha, that caught me off guard since I hardly know her!

In our classroom we have a rule that if they don't pull a card all week, they get to pick from the treasure chest. But each DAY they get a stamp on their hand if they didn't pull a card. That stamp means the WORLD to them. Well, Javier did not get treasure chest on Friday since he had pulled card that week, and he cried for 30 min straight! Did I feel like the meanest teacher in the world!!!! But how could I possibly re-nig at that point. He was the same kid who told me I was beautiful and gave me a big hug that morning. Heart wrenching!

How do I make sure they are loved and safe, yet have a good amount of independence to be kids, yet be quiet & compliant and walk on the freaking white line to the cafeteria without wrestling or grabbing the kid in front of them, while teaching them their letters, sounds and how to put it all together, while teaching them how to handle problems and not just tattle tell, while teaching them manners and some of them ENGLISH for crying out loud, while having fun with them, being consistent with them and making sure their parents understand it all, while all the while preparing them for ALL the state and district assessments....all while they just want their mommy and a nap?

I don't really know. But I'm trying!!

Girls, Girls, Girls!

I love having daughters and it fits me just perfectly. But one of the cons can be all the hair issues! Hair washing, going through a bottle of shampoo a week, tangles, and most of all.......fixing the hair!!! There are probably many people who need to be at work by 7:30 in the morning who would choose not make their girls' hair a priority. But fixing my girls' hair is in my genetic make-up. Seriously. Ask my mom. I can hardly stand to not fix their hair. So every morning, I try to be ready when they wake up and they know the need to be dressed and meet me in the bathroom right away. Jordyn's got the thickest and hardest hair to fix. She's not quite able to manage it yet. Lexi has a cute cut, but it requires me to style it a bit. And Peyton prefers her hair in her eyes, so I do my best to convince her to wear a clip of some sort!

Maxfield Stats

Life is just flying by and I feel like I cannot possibly hold on to it all. It makes me sort of sad. I want to remember every little thing, thought, feeling experience and moment....both for myself and also for my children. But, it's not possible!

At the very least, I can write some of it down on my blog - which I have NOT been good at lately. So here are a few things I want to remember.

Peyton's Dreams
Peyton has the most vivid dreams. How do I know? Well, when she is screaming in the middle of the night and I run in there only to hear something like: "Lexi is putting Belle in the potty!!" or "There's a dolphin in my bed!".

Sickness
We've been pretty healthy this winter overall. Except Peyton this past week. For an entire week she's been sick. She ended up with a horrible ear infection and needed anti-biotics. She could certainly win an award for the world's most resistant child to medication. Has been her whole life. But then to have to do it 2x per day for TEN days! Ugh. She has morphed into the whiniest, grumpiest and most non-compliant child with this illness. Can't wait to get my Pey Pey back!

Speaking of feeling not too hot, my arthritis has been bugging me lately. Not in an I-can't-walk sort of way, but in an I'm-sore-all-over-and-very-lethargic kind of way. Has taken everything in me to peel myself out of bed each morning. Not much choice when 25 kindergartners are waiting! But I've found that pushing through it, getting ready and getting going brings me so much more mental strength than staying in my pajamas and dwelling on my lethargy like I may have done if I didn't have to go to work. Still hard though. I know it gets worse when I run myself ragged like I have been lately. Also, not eating that great. I've GOT to work on that one. My lunch of lean pockets doesn't provide much nutrients.

Diapers
No more! Peyton has been potty trained during the day FULLY since last summer or before. But just this past week she refuses to wear one to bed or nap and wakes up to go potty on her own. So our house is officially a no-diaper zone. Which is strange! It wasn't too long ago I had TWO kids in diapers at once!

TV
Kids always go through phases with shows and movies. ForEVER it was High School Musical. That is long gone (though there will be a certain love that always remains). Right now for Lexi it is "Another Cinderella Story". She is obsessed and luckily doesn't have time to watch it as often as she asks to.

All three girls have always LOVED Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. They never, ever tire of it. Neither do I. I could watch/listen to it over and over and never tire. I cannot find a live stage production anywhere but London right now, but they would be in heaven if we could find one!

As far as TV shows....there are several that they like. But honestly Jo and Lex hardly have time to watch TV with school, homework and extra-activities. So they don't watch a ton, but when they do it seems to still revolve around PBS! I think because we didn't have Disney or Nickelodeon for a long time, they got out of that habit. When they remember, they of course like Hannah Montana, iCarly, Spongebob and Phineas and Ferb. But because we DVR Caillou, Arthur, The Fresh Beat Band and Max & Ruby for Peyton, Jo and Lex love those too and often put them on.

I have no interest in making them watch "older" shows. If they want to watch Caillou till their 12, fine by me!

Playmates
Peyton of course loves her cousins Lyric and Paxton. She also loves to play with Ava next door who is 6 months older than her. And her other little friend from church, Kayla Navison, is a great buddy who she loves to play with.

Jordyn has Madi Lorang from church in her school class. She is also good friends with Kayla Navison's sister Kira, but Kira is in 3rd grade. Jordyn has recently become really close with Emma Koons from her school class too. They are definitely two peas in a pod and LOVE to play. I really like her mom too, so I think it's a good friendship. Lexi is friends with everyone, just a happy-g0-lucky gal. But hasn't brought friends home from school much yet. She has a girl Morgan in her class who she's played with since Pre-School, wants to invite her over, but I don't know the mom yet. And Emma next door is in 1st grade too, and they play a few times a week.

I love fostering these important friendships and always have a little prayer in my heart that they'll have those vital, key relationships they'll need like I did. But I tell ya, what I love the most is to see my three girls play. The three of them play ALL the time. Of course there is arguing, but I'm always amazed at the close sisterly ties they have. I love it and am so grateful for it.